Yesterday saw the media tycoon Rupert Murdock viciously assaulted with shaving foam.
Initial reports were hazy describing a man in a chequered shirt, who cannot be named for legal reasons, being arrested by police.
The full story, it would seem, had far greater implications.
"We had learned of the threat several hours before it actually took place", said one source.
"Based on an anonymous tip off, we had to let the perpetrator commit his heinous act otherwise we would have lost our element of surprise on a larger group of individuals planning similar attacks around the city."
As the act occurred, response units swooped on an undisclosed location where a brief exchange of toiletries preceded the gang attempting to make their escape down a ladder on the outside of the building.
"We had not anticipated such an organised resistance, but fortunately once on the ground they tried to make their escape in a fire-engine that only turned right. After 3 laps of the surrounding area the majority of the group had fallen off and were unable to get up due to their size 47 shoes.
"The driver however is still at large and we urge people to be vigilant."
He is described as white (very white) with bright orange hair, a large bulbous red nose and a "wacky" smile. He was wearing a blue shirt, yellow trousers and smelled "nice".
You heard it here first, People.
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